Little Morris

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:

"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.

One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand.

The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer.

With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!"

Hat tip: Phil of Phils Phun

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Proverbs - Part I

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders...

Better to be safe than - punch a 5th grader.

Strike while - the bug is close.

It's always darkest before - Daylight Saving Time.

Never underestimate the power of - termites.

You can lead a horse to water but - how?

Don't bite the hand that - looks dirty.

No news is - impossible.

A miss is as good as a - Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new - math.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll - stink in the morning.

Love all, trust - me.

The pen is mightier than the - pigs.

An idle mind is - the best way to relax.

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Grown-Up Words

A group of kindergartners were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.

The first little one said he went to see his Nana.

The teacher said, "No, No, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown up word."

The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo train.

The teacher again said, "No, No, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown up word."

Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer.

He proudly stated that he read a book.

The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the shit!"

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A Little Boy

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.



The store owner listened to the following conversation.



The boy said, "Lady, I want to cut your lawn".



The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn".



"Lady I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."



The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.



The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North Palm Beach, Florida."



Again the woman answered in the negative.



With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.



The druggist walked over to the boy and said, "Son I like your attitude, I like that positive spirit. Son, I would like to offer you a job."



The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking on the job I already have."



Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

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Prayer

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.



"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.



"I don't have to," the little boy replied.



"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."



"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

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The Ten Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old pupils.



After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"



Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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A Fireman's Dog

A Sunday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.



"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.



"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."



A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

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Little Larry

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses legs, rump and chest.

After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'

His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ...'

Swiped from Phil of Phils Phun

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Little Andy

Mrs Whyte, the teacher advises the class that each school day starts with the "Pledge of Allegiance"*** and instructs them to put their right hand over their heart and repeat after her.

As Mrs Whyte starts the recitation she looks around the room, 'I pledge allegiance to the flag...', when her eyes are drawn to Andy who has his hand over the right cheek of his bottom.

'Andy, I cannot continue till you put your hand over your heart,' she demands.

Andy looks up and replies, 'It is over my heart.'

After several more attempts to get Andy to put his hand over his heart, Mrs Whyte inquires, 'Why do you think that is your heart, Andy?'

'Well Miss,' answers Andy, 'because every time my Grandma comes to visit she pats me there and says, "Bless your little heart," and my Grandma never lies.'

Graphic: Home Of Heroes

Current whereabouts: Bridgeport, California for an old fashioned Independence Day weekend.

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Patriotism

The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.

'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'

Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'

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Kids

We are boating back from our island today and wanted to share something that should make you smile. Hubby and I got a kick out of these cutie pies. I hope everyone in the U.S. had a terrific Memorial Day weekend.

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Kids and Dogs

The photographer did a great job of matching up the kids and dogs. This is adorable!! A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift. A friend is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace. And makes the world we live in a better and happier place. There is a miracle called friendship, that dwells in the heart. You do not know how it happens or when it gets it's start. But you know the special lift it always brings. You realize that friendship is the world's most precious gift! Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.

Hat tip: Dr. Vern B.

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How Many?

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, and 4 poorer."

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A Teenager Is...

A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.

Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.

A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver's license.

A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music-loud and very loud.

An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the brother.

A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

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The Next Generation

Who said children are getting dumber every year. Check out the wisecracks below and judge for yourselves...

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
CHARLOTTE: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
CHARLOTTE: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
CHARLOTTE: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

SYLVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

Current whereabouts: Boating

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