My Resolutions

I've decided to do some new year resolutions. I think I can actually pull these off. This year, I resolve to:

Always replace the gas nozzle
before driving away from the pump.

I will always "check for paper"
when leaving the restroom.

I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".

I will keep and extra safe distance
when driving behind police cars.

I will no longer park my BMW
next to fire hydrants.

and never again will I try to diffuse an explosive device
with the help of a known practical joker.